Let me be honest. Really honest. I’ll put myself out there. I’ve spent most of my life, anxious, unhappy, worried, depressed, angry, and hopeless. Not something you usually hear from someone who grew up in a good Christian home eh? I’ve heard words like grace, love, and mercy my whole life. It seemed like I heard them used so often that the gravity of the meaning diminished. My reality came from believing every lie that Satan could feed me. I was angry because Satan told me everyone was happier than me, that everyone was blessed, and I was cursed. So what did I do? What humans do best. Fill the void, curb the pain, search for something to make us forget, even if it’s just for a second.
My biggest struggle was believing that God actually loves me. That He actually cares about me. That He would forgive me for all the wrong I’ve done. For so long, the only thing I could identify myself as, was worthless. Why would God love me if I’ve sinned so greatly against Him? Why would He care about me when I didn’t care about Him? You see, I saw God as robotic. If I do this, then this happens. If I do enough good, if I don’t sin, if I, if I. When I do sin, then I won’t be blessed, I’ll be destroyed because of the wrong I’ve done. Whether you’re a Christian or not, you have to admit it makes sense to us, that we don’t get something from someone from doing nothing. And we most definitely don’t get anything from that person when we hurt them and go against them. I believed God worked the same way. Because we are human, we do what’s easiest. And what’s easiest is to assume everything works one way and one way only. I needed to stop seeing God through my lens and start seeing Him through His lens.
The Bible paints this incredible picture of a God so different than the one I had believed existed. It opened my eyes, redeemed my life, and replenished my thirsty soul. God created us in His image, Imago Dei. How did God ever deem us worthy to be created in His image? Ponder that. That He loved us, His creation, so much that would make us in His likeness. That means our bodies have dignity. Treat it so. We as humans willingly rebelled against Him, yet he loves us so much he would forfeit His throne in Heaven, to inhabit the world He created, to be killed by His creation, on a piece of wood that He created. That means we have worth. Live like it. Because the author of life said you are worthy enough that He would lay down His perfection for our imperfection. His beauty in exchange for our ugliness. God didn’t come down from Heaven to die because He was angry with us. It was from His overwhelming love. It all hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m the one who fought God and He still desired to be with me. That’s the beauty of God. We only deserved to die. Yet He would intervene so that we could have freedom and peace.
If you’re struggling to feel God right now, know that His hand never lets go, listen to Him. Seek Him and you will find Him. Walk with Him, in Him you are loved, you are worthy, you are free, there is peace, there is mercy, because He wants the very best for you. God loves you no matter what you do, even in sin, run to him, go to him in all your brokenness, and find mercy. His love can’t be earned, it is given whether you know it or not.
If you’re anxious, know that God makes no mistakes. The future is unknown to us, but the God who fights for you knows it well. Rest in His beautiful plan. See the freedom in knowing it’s out of your control. Know that in the end God will take you where He wants you, and remember its a far better plan than the destructive ones we make with our own understanding!
Sometimes we all need to be reminded what God has done, and is continuing to do for us. Let’s all walk in truth, being vulnerable, honest and loving. God Bless!
“You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah (29:13)